What Are “Should” Stories?
“Should” stories are unfounded beliefs that alternative versions of reality were possible and that things “ought” to or “should” have gone differently than they actually did. They imply the existence of a “fork” in reality where some entity had the freedom to produce a different outcome outside the strict chain of cause and effect. However, because individuals always choose what they perceive as the single best decision based on their knowledge at the time, alternative realities are logically impossible.
These stories are the primary cause of mental suffering. “Should” stories create an imagined alternative reality that we perceive as “better” than actual reality. When we compare this idealized imagination to what is actually happening, we judge actual reality negatively, which generates mental stress and suffering.
We make a crucial distinction between “should” stories and simple “expectations”:
Expectations are simply what we anticipate or would like to happen. When an expectation is not met, the natural and authentic emotion we feel is sadness.
“Should” stories, by contrast, go a step further by demanding that reality must conform to our desires. When a “should” story is violated, it implies that there is something fundamentally wrong with the universe, which generates an unhealthy, story-based anger.
For example, if you plan a walk and it rains, feeling sad because you cannot go out is a natural response to an unmet expectation. But if you become angry because you believe it “should” have been sunny, you are operating under a “should” story that rejects reality. Similarly, if you do not get hired for a job, you might imagine an alternative reality where you did get hired; comparing this imagined success to the actual rejection causes you to judge reality negatively and suffer.
Ultimately, once you dismantle your “should” stories by realizing that no alternative realities could have ever existed, the mental suffering, regret, and anger associated with them completely disappear.