Happiness Stories
Happiness is a story of an impossible standard.
The word “happiness” comes from “hap” (Old English/Norse), meaning chance or luck.
The experience of good luck is followed by a positive feeling of surprise, which produces the feeling of what we often call happiness.
Happiness is an emotion that arises when something unexpected happens, producing a feeling that ranges from good humor to euphoria.
Happiness is a non-scientific term. It is ambiguous. The meaning is not clear. It’s not easy to define.
The closest thing to happiness is euphoria. However, when we say euphoria we are usually talking about a brief, pleasurable feeling.
When we say happiness, we are usually talking about a long-lasting state of euphoria. But a “long-lasting state of euphoria”–happiness–cannot exist.
Why?
Because euphoria is short-lived.
Happiness/euphoria cannot be a permanent state, because without the element of surprise, euphoria inevitably fades.
People use the word “happy” to refer not to a moment or two of euphoria but a feeling they want all the time:
I want to be happy.
I deserve to be happy.
You’re not making me happy.
They mean “happy” as long-term euphoria, which is by definition impossible. Euphoria is always short-lived and is the closest thing to happiness that exists.
When we replace “happy” with “euphoric” it sounds absurd:
I want to be euphoric.
I deserve to be euphoric.
You’re not making me euphoric.
If you say, “I want to be euphoric,” it sounds silly. What does it even mean? You might be euphoric if you took a mind-altering drug or won the lottery.
If you say, “I deserve to be euphoric,” it doesn’t make sense.
If you say, “You’re not making me euphoric,” you’re making an absurd complaint.
The closest thing to happiness that exists is euphoria, which is always short-lived. Long-lasting euphoria cannot exist. Speaking of “long-lasting euphoria” is like speaking of a long-lasting bubble in a glass of champagne. There cannot be such a thing.
Euphoria comes from surprise. Since you cannot surprise yourself, you cannot create your own euphoria. It is like fear. If you wanted to make yourself feel fear, you could not. No one could.
For example, if I won the lottery, I would feel happy/euphoric. But if, for some reason, I won every time I played, that happiness/euphoria would become habitual and soon give way to boredom.
If you won the lottery every time, it would become predictable and repetitive. The element of surprise would go away. You would not feel euphoria.
Nor would it be desirable to remain in a constant state of euphoria, as it could lead to harmful actions. If I drove in such a state, I might cause an accident. If I had to make an investment decision, I might make mistakes and lose my money.
It would be as unwise to drive while euphoric as it would be to drive drunk. Doing anything that requires serious thought while euphoric is almost always a bad idea.
If someone believes that happiness means being constantly euphoric, they may create the story that they should always be euphoric. Such a story may lead them to impose an impossible standard on themselves, continually comparing their real emotions with the expectation of permanent euphoria.
Such a story will generate suffering because of the story that we must always be euphoric, which is impossible. Let’s say that you are somewhat content right now. You’re not euphoric, just somewhat content. But if you believe that you should be happy, meaning in a constant state of euphoria, and you’re not in a state of euphoria, then you will have a problem: You will feel worse than feeling merely content.
Why?
Because before, you were content, but now you say you should be euphoric all the time and you cannot be. You are judging and comparing the current state with the imagined state and that makes you feel worse than merely content. This is the result of a “should” story.
This story generates suffering because of the judgment that we must always be euphoric—a condition impossible to achieve.